Surviving Separation Shock

When you go through a separation whether it is planned or not you are still presented with a new reality. It feels like your foundation has been pulled out from underneath your feet and you are free floating in space, not knowing what to grab onto. This feeling of not being grounded or connected to anything will pass.

But in the meantime, in order to get through the initial shock, these are 3 things you can do right now to get the feeling of control back in your life.

1. GET YOUR SLEEP

Sleep is essential to healing your body. Getting good quality sleep at the right time is important for your mental health, physical health, quality of life and safety. It’s important for the brain as it prepares for the next day to form new neural pathways in order for you to process new information effectively. If you are sleep deficient you may have trouble making decisions, solving problems, controlling your emotions and behavior, and coping with change.

This is why sleeping is so important:

  • Sleep helps maintain a healthy balance of hormones. When you are sleep deprived you actually want to eat more thereby gaining weight.
  • Sleep affects how your body reacts to insulin. Sleep deprivation will lead to higher blood sugar levels and the risk of diabetes.
  • Sleep supports your immune system to stay strong. When sleep deprived we are more susceptible to illness and infection.
  • Sleep supports healthy brain function. Sleep deprivation will result in lower reaction time causing accidents.
  • Sleep helps to heal and repair the heart. Ongoing sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke.

In fact, if you have a few nights of missing a couple of hours of sleep, it’s as if you haven’t slept for one or two nights.

So make sleep the highest of priorities.

2.  DEVELOP SELF COMPASSION

Pema Chodron tells us to “begin the sequence of sending and taking with yourself.”

It all begins with loving kindness for yourself which eventually becomes loving kindness for others. What does it mean to have self-compassion?

Start by being kind and practice forgiveness with yourself.  Picture yourself as a small child who is hurting, sad and lonely. As the adult, when you see your child self suffering the first thing you want to do is to console the child, listen to the child’s pain story, do anything that the child needs to feel loved and wanted.  It can be a challenge at first, but if you ask yourself one key question, the process will become easier. The one question you can ask yourself is,” what do I need now in this moment to feel better?”.

Sometimes, when we are hurt, we challenge others to see if they still love us by showing them our ugly side. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. It is common to lash out but if you can work through these feelings of hurt rather than struggling against them, you will be able to learn from them and then extend the same loving kindness to others in the same condition.

3. PULL YOURSELF BACK TOGETHER

After looking at yourself with rested eyes and having extended loving kindness to yourself, now you can ask:

  • Who am I now? Your label of yourself has been redefined and now you can get back to your core beliefs of who you truly are. Rediscovering your fundamental belief system will reveal the person you have lost and will now regain.
  • Who are my friends? As you transition in this gray area of life, your friends and family we’ll also transition and shift. This brings on the opportunity to see who you want to have in your life going forward.
  • Where am I? How are you doing physically and emotionally is the question you can now ask yourself.

Do I need help to regain my mental and physical well-being?

Do I need to massage therapy, meditation or yoga or all three?

Do I need to see a therapist to help me through this emotional roller coaster ride?

Do I need to nurture myself with more nutritious food to give me the energy I need?

Although it may not seem like it now, this place of transition will end. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And you will be a better, stronger person on the other side.

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