You’ve spent so much of your energy breaking free from your Ex and now you’re not happy to be alone? WTF!!!
We all want to have freedom to be who we are and do what we want. And this is especially true when we have tasted what freedom feels like after recovering from a divorce or break-up. Freedom can be liberating and scary all at the same time. It’s a new feeling. And the idea that we don’t have answer to anyone or check in for your partner’s approval to do what you want, can be a “Bitter Sweet” situation.
According to a study done in 1990’s about Freedom and Happiness,
“Freedom is conceived as chance to choose, requiring ‘opportunity’ to choose, and ‘capability’ to choose. Opportunity to choose is measured by absence of restrictions in economic, political and personal life. Capability to choose is measured by information and inclination to go one’s own way. “
Because it’s a new feeling, we tend to have fear around it. That’s normal. It’s new and uncharted territory. We may feel a certain amount of shame that we failed, that we aren’t deserving or worthy to some degree. So naturally we might want to hold back or contain our happiness around this new-found freedom. We may even resort to some self-sabotaging behaviour to create a false sense of safety.
For example, if you were in a marriage where your partner was notorious at mismanaged your money. And then would say things like, you couldn’t go on vacation because you couldn’t afford it. You may decide to limit your ability to vacation and say things like, “I can’t take a vacation this year, because I can’t afford it”. The idea that we have total freedom to do what we want may be so foreign that this limiting behavior “I can’t afford it” becomes a normal response. However, the reality is that you do have the ability to save for a vacation months ahead when you plan properly.
More importantly, underlying this type of self-sabotage is the limiting belief that you aren’t worthy.
Brene Brown, in her book Daring Greatly says, “If you want to move through heartbreak, that are inevitable in a fully lived life, we can’t equate defeat with being unworthy of love and joy. If we do, we’ll never show up and try again.”
Worthiness, is something that you define for yourself. No one else can determine your worth but you. When we do let someone else define our level of freedom, we ultimately give away our power to be happy.
The 3-step process to remedy your UNHAPPINESS DUE TO LACK OF FREEDOM:
1. FORGIVENESS – When you forgive, you take your power back. Forgiveness is the ultimate weapon to fight the feeling of powerlessness. Forgive yourself for picking a partner who limited your freedom. Forgive yourself for limiting your power to do whatever you want in your life.
2. GRATITUDE – Being thankful has been well studied to reveal that it can profoundly create quantum changes in your outlook on life. When you are grateful for everything that you experience and see all experiences as gifts for learning, growing and evolving then you create a state in which you will be able to receive everything you want. Gratitude allows you to shift your perspective from the past to the now and then the future.
3. ACCEPTANCE – The state of freedom, is a state of belief that you have choice and opportunity. When you forgive, and are grateful then you allow yourself to move into acceptance and choice and then you live in the feeling of freedom.
Happiness is conceived as the overall appreciation of one’s life as a whole.
The idea of freedom and becoming free can be very scary, especially when you’ve been tethered to another person for years. It’s the ultimate fear of being lost without a safety net or guiding cord. When we finally take control of our lives by forgiving our choice, becoming grateful for the lessons and accepting that only we make the rules, then we are truly free.