There were times when I thought that phase of my life would never end. My separation process lasted 5 years and seemed like an eternity. I lived in a perpetual state of not knowing what would happen next. I held my breath, bracing for the next gut-wrenching blow to a wound already open and festering. Emotional purgatory is what I used to call it. I longed to reclaim my life. I prayed for a resurrection.
Was I in grief, trauma, or warrior mode? All three more like it. How far down the rabbit hole did I have to go to get to the truth? Where was that light at the end of the tunnel everyone spoke about? Waiting. Holding on. Until finally, one day, it arrived. Just like that.
All the pain, terror, fear, bracing for the worst was gone.
I looked to Maya Angelou…
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.
Like a breath of fresh air, stillness, and then a bright sunny day, the judge proclaimed it over. A clean slate, empty pages in my new book. One life was now over.
How do I move forward? What’s my next step?
It’s so easy to fall back into the old ways. It’s familiar, even comfortable in the discomfort. I would say to myself: “But do you really want to go backward after coming so far to where you are now? All that breath-holding and bracing and focusing on a positive outcome. Now you have it. Don’t squander it.”
Finding your new foothold comes with a new set of fears. What if I fuck it up again? What if I’m really not good enough for this new life? What are the new rules?
Where is the manual?
Here it is…
Take time to reflect, to heal, to grieve. Find a calm place. This is essential to reclaiming your new life. Resist the old patterns. Stop yourself from reaching for the easy way out. The only way out is to go deep within. The more you commit to your healing, commit to really feeling your feelings, then you will release them more easily. Dive deep to really feel it and then let it go.
Just like a new building starts with a strong foundation, so too should you start from your substructure. Patch up the cracks and erase those old stories that don’t make any sense now. Rebuild those retaining walls by finding your new boundaries. Rewrite your story. Discovering why you ended up broken up is super essential to eliminating the chances of it ever happening again. Fix your foundation.
When you are clear on what you don’t want, then you become clear on what you do want. All the things you lost are gone. But now nothing is stopping you. Clarity, calmness and now claiming it. You are free to choose everything in your new life.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Life can be a messy, twisty, bendy, stomach in your throat rollercoaster ride. But not now.
Now you’ve come through the fire, a little scorched, but your skin is more resilient having felt the burn. You can now focus and resolve to build a better life. A life with unconditional love, acceptance, ease, and a ton of abundance. Nothing is stopping you.
You and only you have the power to resurrect your life.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
Thank you Maya. ox
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