The survival of our species is at risk unless we drastically change our habits and attitudes towards sex and embrace a new way of being intimate. Who needs enlightened sex? I do. You do. We all do.

And here’s why.

According to a 2018 survey as noted in Trends Research Institute,

64% of Japan’s 18 -34-year-olds are virgins or have never been in a romantic relationship. Also, the “Japan Family Planning Association found that 45 percent of women and 26 percent of men ages 16 to 24 had no interest in, or even “despised” the idea of a sexual relationship.”

This has resulted in their birthrate falling by 300,000 in 2017 and an estimated 900,000 by 2045. And they aren’t alone.

Similar birthrate declines were recorded in Germany, Italy, Portugal, Switzerland, and Russia. And research has shown that the US had a record decline in birthrate in 2017. Research further reveals the lack of relationship sex in the US is similar to what’s happening in Australia and Great Britain. What’s the issue and would enlightened sex be the answer to this dilemma?

Porn = Terrible Lover

Trendsresearch reported that this lack of partner intimacy or “celibacy syndrome” is a result of people overworking, late-night television, people’s addiction to surfing the web at night instead of turning off the smartphones and spending time with their partner. Studies in France and the UK correlated men’s addiction to online porn with a lack of performance in bed.

Yup, I can verify this “lack of performance in bed” trend. After my divorce, I spent a few years traveling and exploring my long-suppressed divine goddess. And I can attest to the negative impact porn has on intimacy.

I started asking my lovers about their porn use and found that all used porn frequently throughout their day, even when they had been in long term committed relationships. One lover answered, “who doesn’t use porn?”

I can tell you that men who use porn regularly, have an addiction, and end up expecting the same kind of sex with their real-life human partners. This behavior makes for a very poor disengaged lover and shallow, empty sex. *my zeitgiest research

According to Techaddiction.ca, every second, $3075.64 is being spent on porn and 28,258 internet users are viewing porn. $4.9 Billion worldwide is spent per year. 25% of all search engine requests are pornographic related.

70% of men aged 18 -24 visit porn sites every month. And the trend for sex toys and replacing humans with sex dolls has increased drastically as well. Don’t get me wrong sex toys can be very useful in a loving relationship.

So, what do all these facts tell us?

We are less engaged, with reduced desire to connect and have deep loving relationships because we can get sex very easily online without all the emotional investment.

But the emotional, physical connection is where the true benefits are. We need physical contact to survive!

Studies have shown that physical contact correlates to:

1. Decreased violence
2. Greater trust between individuals
3. Decreased disease and stronger immune systems
4. Greater learning ability
5. Stronger team dynamics
6. Overall wellbeing

When we are engaged in physical contact, this signals our body to release feel-good neurotransmitters into our system. These feel-good neurotransmitters, primarily dopamine and serotonin, are responsible for feelings of pleasure, reward, motivation, and overall happiness. The health benefits are endless.

And to prove it, research has concluded that we live longer if we are in loving partnerships.

And I can attest to this watching my parents, who are now 86 and still happily married.

Porn = #metoo

When you engage in porn, you get an imbalance of these neurotransmitters’ benefits. In fact, watching too much porn creates addiction. Studies show that regular porn use creates intense urges and cravings for sex. Users then turn to porn when they are anxious.

And it trains men to be lousy lovers. So, of course, their chances of having great sex or even attracting a partner are greatly diminished. Leading to a sexually frustrated male who has to resort to manipulation and control tactics to lure in a partner; Who sees the female as somehow denying him what he wants/needs.  Instead of seeing that the real issue is their own behavior.

So they turn to porn for the quick fix.

The result is … Viola! The #metoo movement. A vicious cycle.

NOTE: I am referring to male and female as it relates to porn statistics of 70% of males using porn as opposed to only 1/3 of females using porn. We all have feminine and masculine energy regardless of the package we come in. 

Why enlightened sex?

To resolve this problem, we have to reimagine sex and intimacy. Because frankly, the institution needs an overhaul.

What enlightened sex would do is not only elevate the act of sex, but it would heal the divide between the masculine and feminine. Because deep down, we all want to be intimate. We all want to be cared for and loved and caressed and adored on some level. It’s our natural state of being.

We need to be in contact with one another. We are built for community; to be in tribes; to be in partnership. We seek it out every day in all that we do from working in teams to playing in teams. What would the pro sports world look like if we didn’t have teams?

The Practice of Enlightened Sex

Enlightened sex was coined by David Deida in his seminal book – “Enlightened Sex: Finding freedom & fullness through sexual union.”

By understanding the straightforward practices of enlightened sex, we create an opening in our hearts. We heal the damaged energetic centers of our first and second chakras, and we can start to attract an intimate partner who is aligned with us. This is what we all want.

David Deida is just one sex visionary, who is spreading the good sex word. And the overall theme with all is that we need to find understanding in ourselves and our partners. I mean deep understanding. For example, David offers, that true love is to become one with.

Love is oneness, and when we feel separate from those around us, we are in a state of unlove. Unlove occurs when we don’t have a good understanding of the opposite sex. David clarifies that the art of sexuality is to understand the polarities. And when you understand the polarities, you then magnify the light between yourself and your partner. We learn this in The Passion Protocol.

This is the essence of enlightened sex. Once you understand the purpose of the masculine and feminine within yourself as well as with your partner, you can then create this connection that is so pure, unconditional and healing that it elevates not only you and your partner but the world at large. This is enlightened sex, and you know you want it and need it.