If you are still in search of your soulmate; If you haven’t been beaten down enough by your divorce, and are still enthusiastic and hopeful, then you may still be asking this question. “Where is my soulmate?”  The first or second or third (I don’t judge) spouse certainly wasn’t the one. Because if they were, then the divorce wouldn’t have happened, right?

Let’s get some clarity over how this soulmate thing works.

What is a soulmate after all?

According to the urban dictionary.

A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you, and accepted you, and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them.

According to the Merriam Dictionary.

A soulmate is a person who is ideally suited to another in temperament; a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs.

For the most precise understanding of what a soulmate is, I look to a person who understands the soul. Ram Dass has a “far out” definition, which goes like this. You have been born and died so many times that we’ve all been each other’s soulmates over and over again. But that’s not all.

There is no other person to call a soulmate. Ram Dass says that “there is only one.” “So what you’re really doing is continually marrying yourself at the deepest level of God marrying God. “

He explains that before we come into this life, we make agreements with other souls who have the same karmic DNA or purpose. We agree to meet up in this version of our existence because they are there to help us evolve and reach a higher consciousness.

When we decide to be the parents or the children or whatever in this world, then we can say that we are soulmates. It isn’t merely a romantic relationship, but it’s all of our relationships that are soulmates — even the bad ones.

In essence, we have agreed to meet everyone in our lives before we have come into this life. And we have decided to learn from each other, which means that you picked your narcissistic ex and all the ex – lovers, as well as your parents, siblings, and friends. That is where your soulmate is… in all of those relationships.

Aren’t soulmates supposed to last forever?

“What you have found from your past marriages is that what you are attracted to in a person isn’t what you ultimately live with.” Ram Dass

We are initially attracted to an individual because we recognize them. That’s the infatuation, the thunderclap of desire, the pining, the coveting. It’s merely the knowing that we are meant to be together in some way. Our souls recognize each other.

After the honeymoon is over, then we are presented with the WORK. Our karmic work is the work that we have to accomplish in this life until we learn the lessons we need to transform and evolve.

We will always meet our partners who have agreed to come down and help us do our work. They are here to teach us and help us learn. And this is done over and over again until we learn the lessons. We can do this with one person or with many. It all depends on where you are in your soul evolution.

How many soulmates do we have?

Ram Dass says, “After the honeymoon is over, then you are left with the work to do. And it’s the same work. When you trade in one partner for another, you still have the same work.”

In essence, we have many soulmates. When one relationship is over, then we do it all over again. And this is with all relationships, not just our romantic ones.

The amount is all up to you and how quickly you want to learn your lessons. Once the “pizzazz” is over, you get to depend on your relationship. Lean in and learn. That’s where the beauty of the relationship is. Not in the infatuation (which is fun) but in the calm part. That’s where you meet in truth. That’s where the search to find your soulmate ends.

The truth is when we see the warts, the bad breath, the flaws, and weaknesses. No doubt this is the scary part because we see ourselves in the partner. This is where we get to deepen our learning. We learn acceptance and compassion for them and ourselves.

This is really tough stuff because it threatens our identity. But instead of experiencing it as a threat, we must learn to be vulnerable and trust. Very difficult for most people to do and if they aren’t ready, then the relationship ends.

Then we stop. We pick another partner and do it all over again.

You ask, why do I keep picking the same narcissist?

And then you ask, “Where is my soulmate?”

When will the rollercoaster of relationships end?

The only way this dance will end is when you have accepted your truth and when you stop the dance within yourself. Dig deep even though it gets really scary. That’s the beauty of the soulmate relationship.

Finally, to answer your question, where is my soulmate? You have met him or her several times in this life in different bodies and different ways. You will continue to meet soulmates for the rest of your life. And when you go past the romance and accept the truth of the experience; that they were always meant to meet you here and help you on your journey, then you will understand where your soulmate is.

Courage my love.