You might be thinking that it’s time for you to start dating again. What has it been six months, two years, five years since you even thought about finding a romantic partner? And that’s ok, because if you’re ready, then it’s time. But first, consider these five rules for dating after divorce.
So, you feel ready, but you’re not 100% sure. Your heartbreak grief is gone, and you’re ready to get back out there and find a new partner. You might have tried this before without much luck.
You might be freshly heartbroken and still dealing with feelings of abandonment and fear for your future. You might even be feeling the sting of betrayal, or you might be hating on men right now, and you’re not ready at all.
Where ever you are right now, it’s ok. You will move past this state. Then you will want to have a new connection and partner. So, listen up anyway.
When I was separating, I remember being desperate to date again. I thought I remembered how to date after 20 years of marriage… Gosh, did I ever get it wrong. I was following the same patterns I was used to, and thought were still applicable.
But they weren’t.
I was doing the same things expecting different results. I thought I would find someone different because I was sure I didn’t want the type I had for 20 years. And guess what?
All I picked were versions of my EX husband…. All versions of narcissists. I was astonished at the amount of variety a narcissist could come in. Geez!
So, after a couple of years of doing this heartbreak dance, I knew I had to change things. First, I had to start with myself.
I started to do research and dig deep into the why’s I was picking the type I was choosing. That’s a longer discussion for later.
But what I did come up with are 5 New Rules for Dating after Divorce, which helped me move through some of the blocks that were making a quality connection impossible.
I want to share them with you today.
5 RULES for DATING AFTER DIVORCE
#1 -SCRAP THE STORY
Before you even think of looking for a new partner, you have to drop all the stories you have been telling yourself as to why you aren’t worthy of a great relationship.
Just drop these completely:
– I’m too old
– I’m too fat
– I don’t have….
Guys, don’t care about the superficial stuff at all. They don’t care how old you are, how fat you are, and what you have or don’t have. All they want is what you want – a great relationship with someone loving, caring, considerate, and fun. But if you happen to find one that does think these things (very rare, BTW), then that person is definitely not for you.
#2 – DROP THE ARMOUR
We develop an energetic armor around our hearts when we are in heartbreak. And this armor builds up over time from heartbreak to heartbreak. This energy only serves to keep you away from any potential love. And it stops your love from getting to anyone else.
#3 – END THE EXPECTATIONS
Every guy you meet isn’t necessarily the one. If you put too much emphasis on the thinking – Will this guy be the one? Will this guy be the one? You come off as needy and insecure. No one wants to be with someone who is needy and insecure.
#4 – DITCH THE PAST
If you do happen to get a date with a potential partner, the last thing they want to talk about is your past. They don’t want to see that you haven’t dealt with your pain and hang-ups with your ex. They want to know that you have healed, are available, and are fun to be around. Heavy emotions so early in the game will end it before it even has a chance to start.
#5 – BE A TOURIST
You know when you’re on vacation, and it’s so much easier to approach people. You easily walk up to anyone and ask for help because you have nothing invested in the conversation other than to get information. If they can’t help you or ignore you, you don’t say to yourself, oh no, they don’t like me. What did I do? Wasn’t I pretty enough? Right? You don’t have anything to lose in these conversations.
BE OPEN. Start to connect with men this way. Often.
By practicing these 5 Rules for Dating after Divorce, you will get used to connecting this way so that when you do meet a potential partner, you won’t stumble over your words. You’ll be relaxed and confident. You’ll be able to connect on a deeper level than you would before.