What does that even mean in this day and age? I believe to learn how to live your best life it must be part illusion, part creation.
You once had a dream of what your life would be like. You know, the dream with the super successful “love of your life” by your side, kids all A+ highly motivated students, your dream home with a Mercedes – Benz GLA or Tesla, frequent exotic adventures and daily party invitations.
No? Maybe that was my dream.
Regardless. Whatever version of this dream you might have, the goal is to learn how to live your best life for you, right where you are now.
Not for anyone else this time.
You know that this part of your life has a finite quality to it. I know that you’re afraid to admit it, because on some level you still feel that you fucked it up. But that’s not true.
What I want you to realize is this one thing, this one guiding principal that you must embrace right now.
You are always in the right place, doing the right thing.
I know this might sound contradictory to what I’m about to say next, but even when you feel like you’ve made mistakes and wish you hadn’t, you were doing the right thing. You were meant to make those choices in order to learn something. And this learning is fundamental to your growth and evolution.
So now that you’ve hopefully learned a few things, here you are wondering what’s next.
You ask; How do I now create the life that I’ve always known I should live?
The best life is part illusion, part creation
The part that is the illusion, is the part that you always knew you were capable of achieving before society told you that you couldn’t. The dreams, hopes and wishes that you had when you weren’t corrupted by your family and society who told you that you couldn’t so then just settle. Remember them?
I remember wishing that I would be an opera singer. But if you heard me sing now, you’d encourage me to stop right away. Not my strength. And knowing that makes things easier. Because now I realize that my internal strength and what makes me really happy is to help people. I was the “Fixer”. And so, I now live this life of helping and fixing. Easy right?
But that’s just the beginning of figuring out how to live your best life.
Your Life is just that, YOUR LIFE
The next thing you need to embrace is the understanding that your life is only for you and not anyone else. What I mean is, that you were given a life that only you command, you have the power over. You must live for you and no one else going forward.
I’m not saying that you have to be alone. What I’m saying is that you must stop living your life for everyone else. If you decide that you will give all your energy over to your children or partner or extended family or friends, (like you might have done already), without thinking of yourself, then you will deplete yourself and have nothing left for you.
Imagine your life force is a bucket of water. If you keep pouring your water into other people’s buckets without replenishing it, then you will end up with an empty bucket and an empty life.
Like you’ve been doing already.
The Rule is: Fill up your bucket first so that you have lots of excess to give to others.
Filling you bucket means doing the things that you love to do. What brings you joy and happiness? It is dancing or playing baseball or writing or painting or knitting or volunteering. Whatever it is, these are the things that fill your bucket. So, do them regularly.
Believe in Possibility
Once you’ve figured out your dreams and that you have the power to fulfill them, then we can set goals. But first let’s understand how goal setting impacts the brain.
We have the power to change our brains. Neuroplasticity is “the ability of neural networks in the brain to change through growth and reorganization.”
Simply put, we have the capacity to alter how our brain processes information and our habits.
The area in the brain called the RAS – Reticular Activating System, is in charge of motor skills, sleep and consciousness, pain modulation and cardiovascular control. In essence this is the centre that allows us to evolve, change the way we perceive things and create what our dream life is.
And by writing down, journaling your thoughts and dreams, you will be training your brain to think of that thing or change the way you are thinking of an event by reframing it.
The best time to dream is when you first wake up or at bed time when the mind is quiet.
Visioning your future
During this quiet time, you can start to envision what your new life will include.
Make sure you have everything you want in all areas of your life, including, Business, Friends, Family, Personal Passions, Spiritual and Health. But start by rating them on a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being the most fulfilled.
“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” Pablo Picasso
The Goal System
To reach your new goal of living your best life, you have to embrace a system that will help you achieve your new life goals. And this system is called the SMARTER system.
Specific – target a particular area of focus with a clear outcome
Measurable – make sure you can quantitatively measure it
Attainable – is it suitable to you and is achievable
Realistic – make it practical and planned in a way that applies to real life
Time-bound – helps you focus on your goal
Evaluate – does it follow your ethics and values
Rewarding – the end result is a positive reward
Here are some examples of good vs not so good achievable goals:
– I will exercise every day for 30 minutes
– I will exercise more this year
– I will read one book a month for the whole year of 2021
– I will read some new books
Now that you have a good system in place for you to dream and vision your goals, make these goals as big and as audacious as you can. That’s what dreaming is all about.
Just like my dream life at the beginning, but make your dreams bigger in all life areas. Then chunk down the goals so that they aren’t so overwhelming by creating a detailed to-do list.
For example, if my goal is to exercise every day for 30 minutes, what do I need to achieve this? This might be the resulting list:
– wake up one hour earlier, set alarm
– buy light weights and exercise mat
– plan breakfast the night before
– layout clothes the night before
With a list like this the goal of exercising every day for 30 minutes is now achievable and not overwhelming. Continue this for all goals in all areas of your life.
Now that your life is starting to right itself, you have the opportunity to learn from the past and with this wisdom recalibrate your life to exactly how you want it to be. Live each day for yourself by focusing on your goals to live your best life.