How to Eliminate Damaging Self-Talk

Do you remember certain phrases that you heard as a child, that today you would consider to be sexist or harmful to how you would see yourself?  You might not realize that some of the seemingly harmless phrases you were told are the very words that have kept you stuck and picking the same undesirable partners. Let’s have a look at some of them and learn how to eliminate damaging self-talk from your life.

Manifesting your love life is more than saying your affirmations and adding updates to your vision board. The way you speak to yourself and the words you say are a reflection of the attitude that your parents and society have given you about romance, partnership and yourself. This is another level of love inheritance that needs to be addressed.


The good ole days

Long ago, there was an attitude where if you said certain off the cuff phrases, you might have been seen as clever or smart. But these phrases from the olden days, don’t fit in with the way the world works now. And without realizing it, you might be caught in a time warp of clever damaging phrases that are sexist and serve to keep you dumbed down.

For example, the other day I was walking with a friend and she mentioned a phrase her mother would say to her as a young girl.

“Pink to make the boys wink”

What does this mean exactly? Well, if you wear pink and look feminine then you’ll get noticed by the boys and potentially get lots of attention. Cute, but it brainwashes young girls to think that they must wear pink to get a boyfriend. What if you don’t like pink? Does that mean you won’t be attractive enough to a man?

Of course not, but it did mean that you have to change who you are if you wanted to find a man.

Here’s my favourite:

“You complete me”

Another, rom-com sigh worthy phrase that used to melt the hearts of my friends. My question to them would always be, “why aren’t you complete without a boyfriend?”. This phrase also begs the question, “why would you want to give that power to some boyfriend?” It’s simply  reinforcing codependency in your relationships.


Don’t give them your power

No one should be in charge of completing you. If you don’t come into a relationship already a whole person, then go back and do some more work. As Oprah said, “don’t give them your power!”

Remember the ads that have shaped how we think of ourselves in relationships we forged in the 50’s after the war. Did society use media to put women back into the kitchen so the men could have their jobs back? I can’t say, but it’s clear they used these ads to keep up in submissive positions and lacking self-worth.


It wasn’t too long ago that we saw ads that claimed “a woman’s place was in the kitchen” and that “it’s a man’s world”. All messages to keep us submissive, undervalued and under-appreciated.


Are things really different now?

We can look at those ads now and say, “But that was then. Things are different now”.

Are they really? Thank goodness for Ruth Bader-Ginsburg’s work to change legislation for equal rights for women. But she just scraped the tip off the iceburg. There is still too much attitude that suggests women are less than, especially in the way North American movies and media under-represent women.

Have a look at “THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING” on Netflix. According to this documentary over 80% of the world’s media comes from the USA. And the USA has done a very bad job portraying women.

We can’t reverse the years of damage to women in media, but we can stop picking men who also have that same attitude. Even though men are waking up and the new generation of millennials are certainly changing the dynamic. I say, it’s still not enough.


Start with your self talk

The work that will truly change our world of dysfunctional relationships is the work you do on yourself to change your self-worth and how to eliminate damaging self-talk.

And it starts by changing how you speak to yourself and eliminating those damaging words from your life. One of the easier and quickest ways to start the process is to become aware of what you say to yourself. Pay attention to the phrases you might be repeating that keep you in that submissive position. Looking for someone else to “complete” you or to make your life better or easier is a way of dumbing down your power.

“I wish someone would just take over my life” I heard a woman say this morning while waiting at my local decorating store. She was waiting for her paint order and was lamenting the fact that she had to retouch her front porch. Why not just hire a painter!? That seems more reasonable.

Pay attention to what you say to yourself during the day. Catch those words in your journal and reflect on them. Most of the time they simply are an unconscious repetition of things you’ve heard.

What you say to yourself will 100% affect how you see yourself in your world, and in your relationships. As soon as you start to eliminate damaging self-talk you will be changing your view of yourself, creating more self-confidence. And you’ll help other women see themselves as complete and valuable as well because the work you do energetically helps those around you.

Leave those old sexist, discriminatory phrases back in the 50’s where they belong. Start by being kind to yourself and eliminate damaging self-talk completely.



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