When you are going through a divorce, the fear of being alone can be far greater than being with a person who no longer loves you. There’s a tendency to ignore or convince yourself that your partner’s behavior is acceptable to avoid loneliness. The fear of being alone overrides the fear of being mistreated because at least you aren’t alone. Let’s overcome this fear by discovering 3 ways to alleviate loneliness as you navigate your new life.
“Better the devil, you know” right?
As Marylin Monroe said, “It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone”
The reasons for your divorce may include many things, but ultimately, the lack of partnership gets revealed, and you may come to realize that you were always alone in your marriage after all.
And then again, while going through the transition to a single life, you find yourself back in a lonely place.
There’s a shakedown when you go through a big life transition like divorce. You find yourself losing longtime friends and acquaintances. Your community does a slow, disappearing act. And then you find yourself in a sort of nowhere land with your social community.
I often here, my clients say that they don’t want to be alone. And getting a new boyfriend becomes the only focus of all of their energy. There’s a desperation that makes for bad decision-making. And instead of using this opportunity of loneliness to work on the things that need to be worked on – inner self-work, they spend all their time on dating sites. This distraction only serves to keep you in loneliness.
There is a gift in being alone — an opportunity to repair the relationship with the most crucial person in your life – yourself.
I’ve learned many things from my transition, and this is what I’ve learned from being alone:
- I am never truly alone when I have people around me who love me.
- I can choose to be lonely and wallow in self-pity, but ultimately that will stop, and I will have learned a lesson of resilience.
- It has given me space and time to rediscover myself and fall in love with myself again.
As the Dalai Lama says: “Spend some time alone every day.”
Learn how to release the anxiety that comes with loneliness in 10 easy lessons.
Here are three things you can do right now to alleviate loneliness:
- Connect with one friend every day, even for a quick chat
- Go to places where people are – malls, café’s, parks
- Do those things that you love to do, but couldn’t do with your partner
Without the learning that comes with loneliness, you will find yourself in the same situation with other romantic relationships – alone. It is only when you fully realize the opportunity, can you then create a meaningful, loving relationship with yourself and others and ultimately come to understand that being alone is a gift.
I’m here to help you – BreakFree from Loneliness Anxiety on Udemy.
Angela K Rothlis
He is wanting another man on websites
We did everything together.. things I loved, he loved. How do you get passed that. I find I don’t want to go anywhere we went, I don’t want to do anything we did. I can’t find enjoyment in it. Partially I know I’m afraid I’ll see him with someone else & that will kill me. Knowing he’s moving in so easily. We’ve only been separated less than month & coworker said she saw him on OurTime dating site. It’s killing me knowing I’m suffering & he could care less. Like I was never there. We were together off & on for 9 years. He even admitted I was his best friend & that I knew more about him than any other ex. So why did he give up? Why was I not worth fighting for..
Becky, can you accept that maybe it was time to end this relationship, so that you could be loved even better as you deserve to be loved? Focus on the good things you learned about yourself while in the relationship and not on his behaviour. You did nothing wrong. It was simply time for you to have a better life. Thank him for releasing you. xo
Anne Marie Compas
I have been married for 44 yrs but my husband of all time from high school decided to leave me 3 kids 3 grand sold my long time home in a 3weeks time but now he went on a foreign country to divorced me decided to check on the authenticity of the divorce hired a lawyer the judge rejected it and now in the process of a lawful divorce brought my own condo change my car alone went back to do a part time and learning a new way to live my single life thanks for your help
Anne Marie you are a guiding light of strength. Keep healing and watch how you attract a more loving energy into your life as you detach from the unloving energy of your Ex. xo