Sadness starts as a thought. The realization that something has ended, is lost, will never be, will never be again. It strikes hard. The body reacts and then you must decide; do I resist this and try my best to pretend it didn’t happen or do I accept it and start flowing through the grief? That’s the question.
I have found that the 6 stages of heartbreak each have their own quality. And when you can see each as a very important part of your healing then you allow that stage to have the space it needs to express itself in your body.
And when you allow the full expression of the emotion, you are allowing it to complete and dissipate. This is what we mean when we say transmute. This is flowing through grief.
EACH STAGE NEEDS A VOICE
Shock and Trauma go hand in hand. Shock is the initial realization that something is wrong. That the end is here. Shock is the sudden change in your reality. One day you’re in a relationship and then in one second after words are said, you are not. This sudden shift puts you in an unfamiliar place. Sudden fear. Shock to your nervous system.
Trauma appears seconds after. The link to something traumatic in your memory becomes awakened. This is familiar but unspoken. A full system alarm goes off. Full body reaction takes place. You can’t move and feel there’s no point leaving your sofa.
Flow through by giving it space to play out. Take your time. Be Gentle with yourself. Don’t push through this.
Pain and Anger are intertwined. Sometimes pain comes first and sometimes anger.
Your body starts to feel the grief as pain. The chest needs a hug, your breath stops for a second. Stomach has knots. You may start to feel it in your heart. Takotsubo Myocardiopathy. Your heart has a physiological response.
Anger may decide to land in your third eye area. The frontal lobe. Headache. Migraine. You may be quick to get angry at someone or something – The Volcano Effect. Release the anger safely.
Flow through by allowing it to move through your body. Move your body to release the anger. Dance, run, jump, sing, cry. Flowing it out of your body.
Denial and Isolation are born in the mind. Denial is the disbelief that this could happen to you. Some would say it’s the ego trying to understand and defend you. Believe that there is a reason it happened. To learn is the opportunity. What did you need to develop? To be stronger. Pick better. Find self-worth. Self-confidence. Yes.
Isolation is a poor response to shame. You did nothing wrong. You were growing through this experience. It was necessary.
Flow through it. Acknowledge it. Feel it through. Cry it out. Let it have its space. Then fill your schedule with fun things to do with people you love to spend time with. They are waiting for you.
Every day presents a new opportunity to either resist our pain or allow it to flow through us. I have found that the more you resist, the more painful it becomes. Your pain is part of you. It needs to be heard and acknowledged. Start by flowing through grief. xo
Recent loss of my husband to cancer
Sincere sympathies Dena. You will come out of this and understand why being with your husband for a short time was a blessing. Sending love and light. Dxo