Archives for trauma

Going deep into what destabilizes you

In modern psychology, it’s called disregulation but I like the reference to destabilization because it accurately describes this constant state of being uncentred. They use it in politics when they say a government has been destabilized and right now it’s appropriate to say that our world is destabilized.  This state can also be a result of heart break, maybe not initially but it always affects the heart. The heart is your centre and coming back
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Creating boundaries today means happiness tomorrow

I have many stories about myself that I have clung on to since I was child. The recent realization that these stories completely defined me, allowed me to let them go. Your quest for happiness means looking at that story you’ve been holding on to… and doing a rewrite. Because creating boundaries today means happiness tomorrow.   It happened for me when I was dating this British Art Curator. It was the summer “before the
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Forgiveness leaves a trail…Track it and let it go

Sometimes when we say we forgive someone, we really mean that we are trying to forgive them. The reality of forgiveness is that it’s an ongoing practice and never an absolute one method. Forgiveness leaves a trail…Track it and let it go I thought I had forgiveness all wrapped up but didn’t realize that I forgot about resent.   Many years ago, in the middle of my marriage, I realized that I needed to do
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Where do you go when love hurts?

When we experience heart break we go somewhere. Usually out of our body back to a time when that same pain was first experienced. We call it childhood trauma or our inner child or the shadow side. Where ever you go, it’s a repeating pattern that keeps us in heartbreak. You can’t run away from your pain. Oh, you can try, but you know that it will always show up in some form at themost
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How Forgiveness Can Set You Free

It hit me like a slap in the face. After a good whining session, my third lawyer said, ”Well, you picked him.” Gasp! I was shattered by the insensitivity that came out of his mouth. How dare he blame me for my ex’s bad behavior! Feeling victimized all over again, I left the office deflated and feeling powerless. I thought to myself, “Will no one stick up for me?” It was a hard road but
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Eating Through Trauma

Eating through trauma is a misnomer. Because when you’re in trauma, you simply can’t eat. Even though our body needs essential nutrients to recover from the trauma our body is experiencing, it’s just not possible. When we are in trauma from heartbreak, it’s like a double whammy of heart pain and shock. And I have some ways to help your body recover from the trauma so that you can eat again. The first thing our
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3 Ways To Control Your Anger Safely

It’s OK to be angry.  Many people are walking around right now who are angry and frustrated at the way their lives have gone. And when you travel the journey of heartbreak after a breakup or divorce, you will hit the angry button one day, guaranteed. If you don’t already have good practices around dissolving your anger, you will suffer the volcano effect and create more damage in your life. Here are 3 ways to
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5 Steps to Rewire Your Brain for the Love You Want

We are continually rewiring our brain all day long. Whenever we do something different in our routine, or when we have to deal with a new situation, we are retraining our brain to think about it in a new way so we can access some further information. Pro Athletes and high performers do it all the time. And I’ll show you how to rewire your brain for the love you want in 5 steps. “I
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Blame Your Parents For Your Divorce.

In the way of the Buddha, there is no one to blame but yourself.  Or put another way, you are in complete control of everything that happens in your life whether you are conscious of this or not.  And forgiveness is one of the Buddhist teachings anyway so even if you wanted to blame someone, you have to forgive them at the same time. However, you can blame your parents for your divorce. And when
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Eliminating the shame of not being partnered

Our society doesn’t like things to be out of order. It says, we should all be in loving relationships and if you’re not, then there’s something wrong with you.  Your challenge then becomes eliminating the shame of not being partnered. I remember, viscerally, the feeling of being shunned and ostracized by the women who were part of my neighbourhood Mom tribe. The many years of supporting each other with our children: the PTA meetings, Fund-raisers,
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