Big life transitions challenge us to review our lives and assess whether we are on our path. Whether you are going through a divorce or separating from a relationship, the level of grief and loss can be traumatic, depleting and debilitating. You have the choice to move through this challenging life event quickly or slowly. And you have the choice to stay in the same patterning that got you here, or to change it so that the next phase in your life is more fulfilling and joyful. Get the support you need. You aren’t alone in this.




Recent Blog Posts

How Sugar Destroys Your Sex Life

Studies show how sugar destroys your sex life. We now know that sugar is an issue in our society. The amount we consume is responsible for many common autoimmune diseases like diabetes and metabolic syndrome and others.  But what we don’t know is how our consumption of sugar has severe repercussions on our ability to have deep, meaningful connections, fantastic sex, and, on our love life as a whole. Sugar has been around for a long time; since the 1700s. Trade of “white gold” was incredibly significant to the development of the world as we know it. But now, we are reassessing the importance of our record high consumption. According to the Harvard College Global Health Review, it’s the first time in our history that “chronic non-communicable diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes pose a greater health burden worldwide than do infectious diseases…” Too much sugar destroys our ability to have great sex. The connection between sugar and how it affects our pleasure center in our brain is the same process as when we have sex. Too much sugar destroys your sex life. Let me get a little sciencey for a minute and explain how the brain works when we are having sex. Do you know that “cloud nine” feeling reported by many during sex? It’s when the nerves send messages to the brain’s pleasure center or reward circuit. The sexual arousal felt in the body floods the brain with a surge of neurochemicals, which are chemical messengers that forge emotions, feelings of attachment, and even love. The level of pleasure is contingent on the release of these chemicals that can be used to measure the intensity of your sexual climax. The areas of the brain impacted by sexual arousal include the: Nucleus Accubens Ventral tegmental area (VTA) Hippocampus Amygdala Pituitary Prefrontal Cortex HOW IT WORKS Nucleus Accubens – Controls the release of dopamine Ventral tegmental area (VTA) – releases dopamine Hippocampus – releases memories, pleasant ones Amygdala – regulates emotions Pituitary – produces a feeling of bonding and releases oxytocin Prefrontal Cortex – releases the good feels of dopamine and oxytocin When we are attracted to someone, the brain’s chemicals kick in, and we think to ourselves, YES, we like this person. YES, we want to have sex with them. YES, we want to bond and connect on a deeper level. These hormones impact the way our bodies behave, and influence our minds and thus our perception of reality and our ability to pick our mates wisely. OUR BRAIN CHEMICALS ON SEX Four neurotransmitter rule: 1. DOPAMINE Is the driver. It creates the pleasure high, the fireworks, our reward. The expectation of dopamine drives our mind to control our body to do things. You think you wanted a coffee to perk yourself up, but in fact, it was a dopamine cycle that kicked in to make your body get up and find a coffee to sate the dopamine expectation. You can think of dopamine as the “Gotta have it!” neurochemical, whatever “it” is. It’s the “craving” signal. The more dopamine you release and the more your reward circuit is activated, the more you want or crave something. It’s responsible for addiction, that excitement when you see a beautiful person. 2. SEROTONIN Serotonin is serenity, ecstasy, and the state of grace. It is a lingering pleasure sensation we get that is less intense than dopamine, but a powerful driver for our behaviors. Serotonin is about feeling good, really good. It’s the bliss you feel after an orgasm. Or the extended sexual ecstasy you achieve, when you become adept at Tantric practices. The serotonin serenity also occurs when you meditate. 3. OXYTOCIN This is the bonding agent, the cuddle chemical. It makes us want to connect, physically with another person. And once connected, you want to stay connected. It’s considered the “bonding” neurochemical. Super crucial for our health and wellbeing. Oxytocin can be easily fabricated, just with close contact with another human being (or a pet). That’s why we like to be in communities and gather in groups. Only twenty seconds of hug contact, even with a stranger, can dramatically boost levels of oxytocin. 2.VASOPRESSIN This one is for the males and isn’t that common in females. It is the protection drug and kicks in to support feelings of possession and desire. It’s what we like to imagine as the knight in shining armor scenario and helps our male lovers come to our protection if there is a threat of being taken by another knight. THE CONNECTION TO SUGAR When we are having sex, our brain’s chemicals get activated like this: Two minutes before we orgasm, the brain centers associated with reward are activated. These areas also get triggered when we eat or drink. Shortly before orgasm, other brain regions are activated, such as the cortex that receives sensory messages of touch from all over the body. And the last brain area to be activated was the hypothalamus, the control center that regulates temperature, hunger, thirst, and fatigue. Our neurotransmitters are being activated everywhere, shooting off like fireworks in the brain. Remember the reward neurotransmitter, dopamine? Well, when we eat sugar, this chemical gets over activated and puts us in an addiction cycle, wanting more, eating more, etc. And each time we need more to get that reward we want (sugar or sex). Eventually, just the anticipating of sex and orgasm is enough to trigger the flood of dopamine into your brain. This works the same for sugar. We achieve full-blown addiction once the reward is satisfied. Dopamine blunts the brain because it has been flooded with dopamine as we thought about eating or watching porn. This is how sugar destroys your sex life. We want to get that rush of chemicals faster and don’t want to wait or have the patience it takes to forge a deep, meaningful, healthy bond. We’ve become used to having easy access to sex at every turn. Porn used to be taboo, and

Resurrection – How I Rebuilt My Life

There were times when I thought that phase of my life would never end. My separation process lasted 5 years and seemed like an eternity. I lived in a perpetual state of not knowing what would happen next. I held my breath, bracing for the next gut-wrenching blow to a wound already open and festering. Emotional purgatory is what I used to call it. I longed to reclaim my life. I prayed for a resurrection. Was I in grief, trauma, or warrior mode? All three more like it.  How far down the rabbit hole did I have to go to get to the truth? Where was that light at the end of the tunnel everyone spoke about? Waiting. Holding on. Until finally, one day, it arrived. Just like that. All the pain, terror, fear, bracing for the worst was gone. I looked to Maya Angelou… You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise. Like a breath of fresh air, stillness, and then a bright sunny day, the judge proclaimed it over. A clean slate, empty pages in my new book. One life was now over. How do I move forward? What’s my next step? It’s so easy to fall back into the old ways. It’s familiar, even comfortable in the discomfort. I would say to myself: “But do you really want to go backward after coming so far to where you are now? All that breath-holding and bracing and focusing on a positive outcome. Now you have it. Don’t squander it.” Finding your new foothold comes with a new set of fears. What if I fuck it up again? What if I’m really not good enough for this new life? What are the new rules? Where is the manual? Here it is… 1. Release Take time to reflect, to heal, to grieve. Find a calm place. This is essential to reclaiming your new life. Resist the old patterns. Stop yourself from reaching for the easy way out. The only way out is to go deep within. The more you commit to your healing, commit to really feeling your feelings, then you will release them more easily. Dive deep to really feel it and then let it go. 2. Rebuild Just like a new building starts with a strong foundation, so too should you start from your substructure. Patch up the cracks and erase those old stories that don’t make any sense now. Rebuild those retaining walls by finding your new boundaries. Rewrite your story. Discovering why you ended up broken up is super essential to eliminating the chances of it ever happening again. Fix your foundation. 3. Reclaim When you are clear on what you don’t want, then you become clear on what you do want. All the things you lost are gone. But now nothing is stopping you. Clarity, calmness and now claiming it. You are free to choose everything in your new life. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I’ve got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Life can be a messy, twisty, bendy, stomach in your throat rollercoaster ride. But not now. Now you’ve come through the fire, a little scorched, but your skin is more resilient having felt the burn. You can now focus and resolve to build a better life. A life with unconditional love, acceptance, ease, and a ton of abundance. Nothing is stopping you. You and only you have the power to resurrect your life. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise. Thank you Maya. ox

How to Eat Your Way to Happiness

One of the first things to go when we’re in heartbreak is our diet. We will do anything to feel better, and that includes eating all the foods we know are bad for us. But if you make some small adjustments to your diet, you can eat your way to happiness. I did it. My go-to feel better food is sugar. I now know that it’s an addiction, but back then, all I could do to feel better was dive into sugary food, the chai latte’s, the occasional dark chocolate (that’s supposed to be good right?). I would binge on desserts before I ate food. I would eat cake and cookies late at night. I would convince myself that dried fruit was a healthy snack but found out that they are like candy. Then I would throw the occasional salad in there somewhere to convince myself I was eating healthily. Why do we do it? We do it to numb. The feelings of sadness are sometimes too much, and all we want to do is not feel bad. Some of the more common numbing foods include: – red wine – chocolate – ice cream – cookies – sugary drinks – creamy hot drinks We also do this because we want to feel happy again. Our feel-good neurotransmitters tend to decline when we are in heartbreak grief. Neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine help us feel good but are also crucial for keeping us healthy. Producing these feel-good chemicals is vital to our wellbeing. The foods listed above give us a quick fix good feeling with the sugar intake. But this over time can cause severe problems and more importantly it can repel the love you so need. Eating sugar of any kind leads to blood sugar imbalance. Low blood sugar can cause a drastic change in your mood. When your blood sugar drops, you become hungry, irritable, lack concentration, and you start to crave carbs to increase your serotonin production. And the vicious cycle repeats. HOW TO AVOID SUGAR ADDICTION: Start your day with 20 grams of protein. Protein slows down the rate of sugar absorption in the blood, and this ensures your body gets what it needs in a balanced way. Eat something every few hours to avoid any spikes in blood sugar levels. Eat some protein with each meal and snack. Reduce or eliminate sugary drinks and snacks. Replace the “white” stuff (white bread, white pasta, white rice) with whole grains. WHY ARE PROBIOTICS SO IMPORTANT? Probiotics help our gut microbiome stay balanced. We have good bacteria and, harmful bacteria which our body is continually trying to keep things in balance. And probiotics aid our gut by promoting this balance. More importantly, there is tons of research to show that our gut health dictates our mental health. We now know that 80% of our neurotransmitters form in the gut. So, if we are eating foods that create an imbalance of harmful bacteria (such as Candidiasis) via sugary foods, we guarantee a low production of our happy neurotransmitters, ensuring that we’ll continue to feel unhappy. But when we eat foods that promote good bacteria and eat probiotic food and supporting supplements, you help your gut produce those happy neurotransmitters. FOODS THAT PROMOTE GOOD BACTERIA: Greek yogurt kefir sourdough bread kimchi miso sauerkraut chutneys kombucha probiotic supplements Eating foods high in sugar is something we all do more often than you think. It has become an epidemic because we are all in heartbreak to some degree. Sugar is the greatest quick fix addiction that our society has. But over time, it can cause more harm leading to serious health issues, as we see with diabetes. To avoid this, start eating foods that are guaranteed to make you feel good. By practicing good eating habits and picking those foods that promote a healthy gut, you will produce more of those happy neurotransmitters. And that’s how you eat your way to happiness. xo

How Breathwork Can Heal your Heart

I’m in a big dark room, laying on a camping mat in my dusty sleeping bag and blanket, with a stranger watching over me “sitting” on a chair at my side. Loud dramatic music starts to play and then I hear it. The breathing of 8 other people is pronounced but barely audible through the music. That’s my cue to start my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Rhythmic, intense, diaphragm heaving. Bang! I am in complete and utter darkness. I can’t stop the flood of emotions from coming and I hear a baby start to wail. Is that me? I calm my fear by asking my angel guides to show me what I need to see. I repeat, “I surrender, I surrender, I surrender…”.  The blackness dissipates and then I am in the desert, hot sun, calm, grounded. My angels show me a gigantic white oval pod that looks like a cocoon. They start to tear it apart, piece by piece. Then I find myself growing up, up and up above the tree-line. I look down and see myself as a tree. My legs are a tree trunk and I sense my feet as roots. Wow! This is so cool, I think to myself. My journey continues through realms of space, the ocean, the desert and back as a tree. Over and over again I travel. And then it’s finished. My “sitter” answers my question. It’s 3 hours later. I’ve done a lot of “out of the box” things in my life, so this experience wasn’t weird by any means. This was a Holotropic Breathwork Workshop. And I’ve come to see breath work as an important element in all of my practices. It’s not only essential to life but it’s been around for a millennium. From Ancient Yogic and Buddhist practices, Tai Chi, to all forms of Meditation, breath work is the link to guide us on our path to enlightenment and our evolution. Breathing is the first thing we do when we are born to the last thing we do when we die. It is the thread that keeps us in this realm of existence. We hold our breath when we are fearful and we breathe out as a sign of relief. We can exist for days without food or water but we die instantly if we stop breathing. It is essential to life. But what’s so phenomenal about breathing? Scientifically speaking, we need oxygen for our cells to function, for our blood to flow and our organs to work. Diaphramatic breathing in particular, has been shown to reduce cortisol levels, improve our cognitive ability, level off our emotions so we can cope with stress and anxiety, help us sleep better and ward off dementia . But more importantly, it helps us heal our heart by allowing our bodies to start producing happy neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. One study suggests that breathing through the nose most significantly increases the electrical impulses in the brain necessary for cognitive ability, whereas breathing through the mouth does not. Max Strom, teaches how 10 – 20 minutes of breathwork can change your health significantly. Stanislav Grof, a Czech Psychiatrist, one of the founding fathers of “Transpersonal Psychology” (think Ram Das and Timothy Leary) was known for using LSD in his therapy sessions. Dr. Grof , invented Holotropic Breathwork (after the war on drugs  happened in the ‘70’s). And Wm Hof , a.k.a. IceMan and 26 time Guinness World Record holder, has proven that through his technique you can withstand extreme temperatures and become super strong. I did this one as well. 😉 3 Essential Breathing Techniques These are three of my favourite techniques that everyone should have in their arsenal of practices. Clearing Breath. According to the Dalai Lama, this technique will “clear away impulses toward lust or hatred” or “counter-productive currents of energy”. Whether you suffer from “lust or hatred” isn’t the point. This technique serves to clear the mind so I recommend you do it first thing in the morning. Start with your left hand, using your thumb and middle finger. Placing your thumb on your left nostril, breathe in deeply (allowing your diaphragm to expand), then release the left nostril and with your middle finger hold your right nostril and exhale. Do this 3 times. Then reverse by closing your right nostril with your middle finger and inhale through your left nostril. Place you thumb on your left nostril then exhale through your right nostril. Do this 3 times. When complete, lower your left hand onto your lap and take 3 breathes in both nostrils, remembering to fill your belly. Watch the clarity come. Fire Breath. This technique is a staple in many yogic practices. It is perfect to do in the middle of your day if you are feeling a bit tired and lethargic. It also helps to activate your 3rd chakra, which is your power centre. This technique is most helpful if you’re nervous about a presentation or have an interview. First, sitting cross-legged or Japanese style on your knees (my preference) or standing, close your eyes and focusing on your exhale only, use your diaphragm to sharply push your breath out of your nose. Do this as quickly as possible, 30 times in one set. Do 2 more sets. Go get it girl! Calming Breath. Becoming aware of your breathing and slowing it down is scientifically proved to reduce cortisol levels, support your immune system and increase your feel-good neurotransmitters. Start by taking in a deep diaphragmatic breath through your nose on the count of 4. Once full, hold that breath for the count of 4. Then slowly release on the count of 6.  Do this 20 times.  Watch the tension melt away. In this day and age, when we are challenged to be the best we can be; we can become smarter, stronger, sleep better, and be super calm, by doing the one thing that we were born to do… just