There were times when I thought that period of my life would never end. The not knowing what would happen next. Holding my breath, bracing for the next gut wrenching blow to a wound already open and festering. Emotional purgatory is what I used to call it. I longed for a resurrection. Was I in grief, trauma, or warrior mode. All three more like it.  How far down the rabbit hole did I have to go to get to the truth, the end? Where was that light at the end of the tunnel everyone spoke about? Waiting. Holding on. Until finally one day it arrived. Just like that. All the pain, terror, fear, bracing for the worst was gone. I looked to Maya Angelou… You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise. Like a breath of fresh air, stillness and then a bright sunny day, the judge proclaimed it over.  Clean slate, empty pages in my new book. One life was now over. How do I move forward? What’s my next step? It’s so easy to fall back into the old ways. It’s familiar, even comfortable in the discomfort. But do you really want to go backward after coming so far to where you are now? All that breath holding and bracing and focusing on a positive outcome. Now you have it. Don’t squander it. Finding your new foot hold comes with a new set of fears. What if I fuck it up again? What if I’m really not good enough for this new life? What are the new rules? Where is the manual? Here it is… 1. Release Take time to reflect, to heal, to grieve. Find your calm place. This is essential to rebuilding your new life. Resist the old patterns. Stop yourself from reaching for the easy way out. The only way out is to go deep within. The more you commit to your healing, commit to really feeling your feelings, then you will release them more easily. Dive deep to really feel it and then to release it.  2. Rebuild Just like a new building starts with a strong foundation, so too should you start from your substructure. Patch up the cracks and erase those old stories that don’t make any sense now. Rebuild those retaining walls by finding your new boundaries. Rewrite your story. Discovering why you ended up broken up is super important to eliminating the chances of it ever happening again. Fix your foundation. 3. Reclaim When you are clear on what you don’t want, then you become clear on what you do want. All the things you lost are gone. But now there is nothing stopping you from claiming what you do want. Clarity, calmness and now claiming it. You are free to choose. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I’ve got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Life can be a messy, twisty, bendy, stomach in your throat rollercoaster ride. But not now. Now you’ve come through the fire, a little scorched, but more resilient having felt the burn. You can now focus and resolve to build a better life. A life with unconditional love, acceptance, ease, and lots of abundance. Nothing is stopping you. You and only you have the power to resurrect your life. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise. Thank you Maya. ox    

One of the first things to go when we’re in heartbreak is our diet. We will do anything to feel better and that includes eating all the foods we know are bad for us. I did it. My go-to feel better food is sugar. I now know that it’s an addiction, but back then, all I could do to feel better was start on the sugary food, the chai latte’s, the occasional dark chocolate (that’s suppose to be healthy right?). I would binge on desserts before I ate food. I would eat cake and cookies late at night. I would convince myself that dried fruit was a healthy snack but found out that they are like candy. Then I would throw the occasional salad in there somewhere to convince myself I was eating healthily. Why do we do it? We do it to numb. The feelings of sadness are sometimes too great and all we want to do is not feel badly. Some of the more common numbing foods include: – red wine – chocolate – ice cream – cookies – sugary drinks – creamy hot drinks We also do this because we want to feel happy again. Our feel-good neurotransmitters tend to decline when we are in heartbreak grief. These neurotransmitters; oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine help us feel good but are also important for keeping us healthy. Producing these feel good chemicals is vital to our wellbeing. The foods listed above, give us a quick fix good feeling with the sugar intake. But this over time can cause serious problems and more importantly it can repel the love you so need. Eating sugar of any kind causes blood sugar imbalance. Low blood sugar can cause a drastic change in your mood. When your blood sugar drops, you become hungry, irritable, lack concentration, and you start to crave carbs to increase your serotonin production. And the vicious cycle repeats. HOW TO AVOID SUGAR ADDICTION: Start your day with 20 grams of protein. Protein slows down the rate of sugar absorption in the blood and this ensures your body gets what it needs in a balanced way. Eat something every few hours to avoid any spikes in blood sugar levels. Eat some protein with each meal and snack. Reduce or eliminate sugary drinks and snacks. Replace the “white” stuff (white bread, white pasta, white rice) with whole grains. WHY ARE PROBIOTICS SO IMPORTANT? Probiotics help our gut microbiome stay balanced. We have good bacteria and bad bacteria and our body is constantly trying to keep things in balance. And probiotics aid our gut by promoting this balance. More importantly, there is tons of research to show that our gut health dictates our mind health. We now know that 80% of our neurotransmitters are produced in the gut. So, if we are eating foods that create an imbalance of bad bacteria (such as Candidiasis) via sugary foods, we guarantee a low production of our happy neurotransmitters. This ensures that we’ll continue to feel unhappy. But when we eat foods that promote good bacteria and eat probiotic food and supporting supplements, you help your gut produce those happy neurotransmitters. FOODS THAT PROMOTE GOOD BACTERIA: Greek yogurt kefir sourdough bread kimchi miso sauerkraut chutneys kombucha probiotic supplements Eating foods high in sugar is something we all do more often than you think. It has become an epidemic because we are all in heartbreak to some degree. Sugar is the greatest quick fix addiction that our society has. But over time, it can cause more harm with serious health issues, as we are seeing with diabetes. To avoid this, start eating foods that are guaranteed to make you feel good. By practicing good eating habits and picking those foods that promote a healthy gut and the production of your happy neurotransmitters, you help your body recover. xo

I’m in a big dark room, laying on a camping mat in my dusty sleeping bag and blanket, with a stranger watching over me “sitting” on a chair at my side. Loud dramatic music starts to play and then I hear it. The breathing of 8 other people is pronounced but barely audible through the music. That’s my cue to start my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Rhythmic, intense, diaphragm heaving. Bang! I am in complete and utter darkness. I can’t stop the flood of emotions from coming and I hear a baby start to wail. Is that me? I calm my fear by asking my angel guides to show me what I need to see. I repeat, “I surrender, I surrender, I surrender…”.  The blackness dissipates and then I am in the desert, hot sun, calm, grounded. My angels show me a gigantic white oval pod that looks like a cocoon. They start to tear it apart, piece by piece. Then I find myself growing up, up and up above the tree-line. I look down and see myself as a tree. My legs are a tree trunk and I sense my feet as roots. Wow! This is so cool, I think to myself. My journey continues through realms of space, the ocean, the desert and back as a tree. Over and over again I travel. And then it’s finished. My “sitter” answers my question. It’s 3 hours later. I’ve done a lot of “out of the box” things in my life, so this experience wasn’t weird by any means. This was a Holotropic Breathwork Workshop. And I’ve come to see breath work as an important element in all of my practices. It’s not only essential to life but it’s been around for a millennium. From Ancient Yogic and Buddhist practices, Tai Chi, to all forms of Meditation, breath work is the link to guide us on our path to enlightenment and our evolution. Breathing is the first thing we do when we are born to the last thing we do when we die. It is the thread that keeps us in this realm of existence. We hold our breath when we are fearful and we breathe out as a sign of relief. We can exist for days without food or water but we die instantly if we stop breathing. It is essential to life. But what’s so phenomenal about breathing? Scientifically speaking, we need oxygen for our cells to function, for our blood to flow and our organs to work. Diaphramatic breathing in particular, has been shown to reduce cortisol levels, improve our cognitive ability, level off our emotions so we can cope with stress and anxiety, help us sleep better and ward off dementia . But more importantly, it helps us heal our heart by allowing our bodies to start producing happy neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin. One study suggests that breathing through the nose most significantly increases the electrical impulses in the brain necessary for cognitive ability, whereas breathing through the mouth does not. Max Strom, teaches how 10 – 20 minutes of breathwork can change your health significantly. Stanislav Grof, a Czech Psychiatrist, one of the founding fathers of “Transpersonal Psychology” (think Ram Das and Timothy Leary) was known for using LSD in his therapy sessions. Dr. Grof , invented Holotropic Breathwork (after the war on drugs  happened in the ‘70’s). And Wm Hof , a.k.a. IceMan and 26 time Guinness World Record holder, has proven that through his technique you can withstand extreme temperatures and become super strong. I did this one as well. 😉 3 Essential Breathing Techniques These are three of my favourite techniques that everyone should have in their arsenal of practices. Clearing Breath. According to the Dalai Lama, this technique will “clear away impulses toward lust or hatred” or “counter-productive currents of energy”. Whether you suffer from “lust or hatred” isn’t the point. This technique serves to clear the mind so I recommend you do it first thing in the morning. Start with your left hand, using your thumb and middle finger. Placing your thumb on your left nostril, breathe in deeply (allowing your diaphragm to expand), then release the left nostril and with your middle finger hold your right nostril and exhale. Do this 3 times. Then reverse by closing your right nostril with your middle finger and inhale through your left nostril. Place you thumb on your left nostril then exhale through your right nostril. Do this 3 times. When complete, lower your left hand onto your lap and take 3 breathes in both nostrils, remembering to fill your belly. Watch the clarity come. Fire Breath. This technique is a staple in many yogic practices. It is perfect to do in the middle of your day if you are feeling a bit tired and lethargic. It also helps to activate your 3rd chakra, which is your power centre. This technique is most helpful if you’re nervous about a presentation or have an interview. First, sitting cross-legged or Japanese style on your knees (my preference) or standing, close your eyes and focusing on your exhale only, use your diaphragm to sharply push your breath out of your nose. Do this as quickly as possible, 30 times in one set. Do 2 more sets. Go get it girl! Calming Breath. Becoming aware of your breathing and slowing it down is scientifically proved to reduce cortisol levels, support your immune system and increase your feel-good neurotransmitters. Start by taking in a deep diaphragmatic breath through your nose on the count of 4. Once full, hold that breath for the count of 4. Then slowly release on the count of 6.  Do this 20 times.  Watch the tension melt away. In this day and age, when we are challenged to be the best we can be; we can become smarter, stronger, sleep better, and be super calm, by doing the one thing that we were born to do… just

You think you’re over it. Your friends are pushing you to get online and start dating again. Or even worse, they try to set you up. But after all this time, are you really over your ex? In order for you to answer that question, you first have to understand the phases of heartbreak and where you might be stuck. Make no mistake, heartbreak is grief. It’s the most common form of grief and most prevalent because it happens all the time in our lives. We have little heartbreaks all day long. Remember the time your friend said she would go out to that show with you and then later forgot that she double booked herself and could no longer go. Or that time you thought you were going to get a promotion or lead a project and you were passed over for someone else. These little events of social rejection have the same effect on your body and mind as do the big heartbreaks, like a romantic break-up, divorce or death of a loved one. They challenge your self value. Heartbreaks are Heartbreaks According to a study conducted at the International School for Advanced Studies (SISSA) of Trieste was published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, when you are in heartbreak, your brain actually thinks that your body is hurt. We will often say things like, ”my heart has been ripped from my chest” or “ someone just punched me in the stomach”. The area in the brain that gets activated when you are physically hurt is the same area that gets activated when you suffer social rejection. This is called “Broken Heart Syndrome”. And when we are romantically rejected we feel it in our bodies as if we were actually punched in the stomach. And it’s not an easy thing to get over in our society, simply because we don’t recognize it as a major life trauma. We are taught to get over it quickly, find someone new to make you feel better. We don’t like to feel badly so we do everything we can to distract ourselves. And this is where we get stuck. If we don’t allow ourselves to move through the grief of heartbreak we are destined to repeat it over and over again. So where are you in your heartbreak recovery? The 6 Stages of Heartbreak Shock – In the moments after being blindsided by a breakup, your heart rate might drop, suggests research in Psychological Sciencethat looked at people’s heart rates following a social rejection they didn’t see coming . Trauma – Once the shock subsides, major emotional stress sets in (What did I do wrong? Am I going to be alone forever? Is it time to start adopting cats?). That stress can ramp up your sympathetic nervous system, which also leads to rising cortisol and inflammation levels. Your sleep, digestion and immunity might also suffer (you’re up all night, have no appetite and seem to be catching a cold every other day). Pain. You feel like you’re in physical pain. That’s because the brain regions that process the pain of social rejection or loss also process physical aches, according to research in Current Directions in Psychological Science. You might experience neck ache, headache, overall physical malaise. Anger – You’re not thinking straight (waiting in the conference room for the weekly Thursday meeting—but it’s only Tuesday), and you’re being more impulsive than normal. Critical thinking skills and self-control both take a dive after a social rejection, according to research. This is when we eat tubs of Haagen Das or decide to make red wine your new best friend. Denial – You swore you wouldn’t, but you look at a picture of the two of you or scroll through their Facebook feed. Your inner voice says,”If only…” The areas of your brain that show increased activity when you’re high or craving a drug light up in response to their image. According to research in the Journal of Neurophysiology , this reveals that you’re still powerfully drawn to them. You need that hit of oxytocin and dopamine to make you feel like you’re still in love. But at the same time, your brain is trying to adjust your behavior and make you see that it’s finally over. It’s time to unfollow them. Isolaton – At first, nothing appeals to you less than going out to a club or being social. You can’t stand the thought of talking to anyone but the pizza delivery man. Eventually that fades, and progesterone levels rise when you start to feel lonely. That’s a very good thing—researchers say the hormone can motivate you to seek out social contact. Denying the healing process can cause serious problems It’s important to allow yourself this journey, as painful as it might be. Why? Because if we don’t allow the full range of healing, we get stuck in the heartbreak. Over time, in rare cases, the stressful effects of heartbreak can actually create heart problems. In a small study in the New England Journal of Medicine, researcher found that emotional distress precipitated serious heart damage in some patients without coronary heart disease, possibly due to an exaggerated response in the sympathetic nervous system. Nobody wants to feel the pain of heartbreak. We are the best distractors when there is a threat of pain. It’s a primal response. But as we become more conscious of the power of our actions and choices in our lives, we must also start taking responsibility of our recovery from traumatic events that cause heartbreak. And by allowing the full range of feelings in a proactive way can alleviate the deep painful effects caused by the denial of our heartbreak pain. xo